did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
