Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
