I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
