everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
