Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
