Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
