btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
