I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
false alarm, still single
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
