I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
