You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Randomize
