i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
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