Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I want a musical about memes.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
