just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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