I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
