my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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