I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I wear drunk well.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
