just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
