What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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