glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
