Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
