I need to stop coming to work sober
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
As shirtless as possible
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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