Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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