His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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