Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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