don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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