I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
