Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
