I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
