I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
