Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
