I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
