if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
she told me i tasted like america
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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