Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
