I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize