Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
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