dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I am available for nakedness
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
