he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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