Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
