hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
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