I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
People with herpes should wear stickers.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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