Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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