today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
