I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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