I love black thongs
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Randomize
