These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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