I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
