I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
