4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
