Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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