I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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