The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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