listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
