Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
