its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
There's always time for handjobs
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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