did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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