I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Randomize