you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize