as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
