apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
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Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
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I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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