I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I think people are normalizing furries
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
