the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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