I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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