I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
