Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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