I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
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