I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
