I'm jealous of your bromance
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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