Nicole vs. Life
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
