he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
