if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
