get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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