i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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