I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Just pee around me
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I am naked and annoyed.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
