She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
