I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
