Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
